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| That's the question that is on my mind today......Some of you know what's up, some of you don't. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I probably will.......
So the question is: can it work?
Can 2 people, who now seem so different really work out in the grand scheme of things? Compatible on the surface, but when you really get to the meat (fundamentals) of things, they're not so compatible...... Our opinions on what to do with our house (like how to decorate), what to cook, when to go to the gym, child rearing are pretty much in-line....except for the gym part.... I think I like the gym more than he does..... However, more abstract ideas (beliefs) are a little more complicated. Okay, I lied....a LOT more complicated.
He's stated before that he didn't feel that a "supreme being" ruled the world....I decided to put on my rose glasses at that point apparently. And now, 5 years later, those rose colored glasses have been broken and I'm seeing things I'm not sure I like so much. Did I bring it on myself? Possibly, however I was provoked. I brought up the "c" word that most men, well, people in general, hate.........
Counseling..........
*geeze, get your mind out of the gutter!* ;) Then I said the words "it doesn't have to be clinical counseling........It could be counseling through the church." That's where the rose colored glasses were destroyed. I'm a Catholic.....and by all means, I'm not a good Catholic. As a matter of fact, as far as Catholics go.....I kinda suck. I do NOT attend mass regularly.....I do not tithe. I'm not even registered with a parish. However, I do pray.....often. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus.....I believe that Jesus is the way to eternal life. I totally believe Jesus died for our sins. Sins we still commit. Sins I still commit. Sin is a hard habit to break, know what I mean? I believe God created the heavens and the Earth. I believe God created man, and in his (God's) quest to find man a suitable mate, created the animals. I also do believe that God took a rib from man and created woman. Yes, I'm a creationist.....I don't totally reject Darwinism....I just don't really believe man evolved from ape.
I have been with this man for 12 years....how did I not see this coming??? Seriously? Have I spent all this time just seeing what I wanted to see? I always thought I was pretty observant....... Now, I don't know what to think. This is hard to digest. I mean come on....we met at church....sort of.... We met at Youth Rally, which is a gathering of the youth from throughout the diocese. We all meet up, attend some classes to further our relationship with God and Jesus, worship, and celebrate Palm Sunday mass. We've been together ever since.
Now he tells me he doesn't believe in a faith structure. That he has faith and trust in man. While that is not a bad thing, he kinda rejected God and Jesus, although he didn't actually say the words. He says he's too scientific. That everything he believed in had been proved or disproves (whatever the case may be) by science. He said the Navy made him that way. I told him the Navy couldn't have made him that way. He went on to use the phrase free-will, and I countered that free-will could also lead to a life with God and Jesus in it. I just can't accept that. It sucks. Really, it does. Ignorance is bliss........pick your cliché. Reality smacked me in the face....hard. So after a little more discussion about how to spiritually raise our non-existent children, something hit me. Well, a few things, but mostly two. The first one that hit me, and I don't know why it hit first, but it did.
We have been trying to have a baby. So far, nothing. I have some medical problems, but I have also been on some medicines that have made aforementioned problems null and void. Nothing. All these years.....nothing.....not even a real scare......not even a "what if I am?" Nothing. So I brought up the subject of always having to answer the question "do you have any children?" Then going through the same old conversation, and then getting the inevitable "it will happen in God's time," or something along that matter. Hey, I've even used a similar line to get people off my back about not having any children yet..... I only wish my thoughts had been stated this way earlier...I said something like "What if I'm aren't getting pregnant because God feels that we are too different?" When I really meant to say something like "What if God is waiting for you to believe in him again before he blesses us with a child??" Same question, just two different ways of saying it. While in the middle of this discussion something else popped int my mind. In all these years, it never crossed my mind....never....
I asked about Pre-Cana. We didn't do Pre-Cana the traditional way.....we did it in one day (he was in the Navy...it wasn't like we could have weekly meetings or anything.....). However, in Pre-Cana, we discussed the results of Focus. Focus is a compatibility test. This "test" had all kinds of questions ranging from behaviors, finances, religious beliefs, your partner's quirks....you get the picture, right??? Anyhow, it did not come up in Pre-Cana. There was nothing there to lead me to believe he veered off our original path of faith. So I asked him about it....he said "it's a matter of knowing the right answers to the right questions." He followed up with something like, "If I had to lie for a couple questions about my faith to marry you, so be it. Everything else was the truth." I countered with "it didn't really matter. We could have been complete polar opposites. The priest could not have stopped us from getting married. If we were too different, he could strongly suggest that we didn't get married, but he could not have made the decision for us. The discussion progressed a little further......
Later, the definitive question was asked......Did I regret my decision..........? I couldn't answer that, because I honestly do not know. I've never had a regret before, so I don't know what regret feels like. I do love him, however, I'm not sure of how to make something work when our beliefs are so different. I truly don't know where to go from here. I can keep up the PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens), but I've been doing that for a while. I've been praying for some type of sign. Maybe I've gotten my answer, but am too dense to realize it...I don't know. I just honestly don't know what to think............ So my question is: Can it work?
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| I LOVE velveeta shells and cheese with brown gravy (like the stuff that you have with beef roast) on it. I haven't had it in YEARS, but I love it...... I also eat my homemade chili over mac and cheese. So freaking good!!!!
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
| Wow....it's been a long time.
Still busy with school. Student teaching will be over with in like 5 days.
I graduate (FINALLY) on May 19th.
Oh, and on a side note.....I will NEVER take middle schoolers to Disney World again!!! It was fun, but I never knew middle schoolers had THAT much DRAMA!!!! The drama was NOT fun!!!
Talk to you soon...Hopefully.
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| I'm going away for a while....
Well.... only until the end of semester, probably. Well, I'll be back for the Thanksgiving holidays.
I have sooooooooooooooooo much to do before the end of the semester... a professional portfolio, a book review, a thesis, and a senior recital. I'll be busy.
Oh, and somewhere in the middle of that, my husband (whom I haven't seen since August nor talked to since like the beginning of the month) will be comming home too. I hope I get a chance to spend time with him. I miss him lots.
So, yeah, I'll talk to you all soon. I'll miss you all...... *muah*
Peace.... | | |
| WOW.....let's just leave it at that....
I will say, however, that writing a senior thesis, putting together a professional teaching portfolio, and preparing for a senior recital is no easy feat.....To make matters worse, the portfolio is due in like 3 weeks....
So, I won't be around much......and that sucks. I like being able to hang out on the 'net sometimes, even though I hardly post....Oh well, it's only a temporary setback.....
Talk to you all soon!
Jessica--signing off before the madness really starts.... | | |
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All the news you never wanted to know!!!
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musicangel1981